dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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