she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
