That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
