you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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