she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
