Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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