the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
