im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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