I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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