there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
