I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
