She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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