It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
