The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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