some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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