Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
