We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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