I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize