A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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