if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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