We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
