just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
