My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my being single is dangerous.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
