party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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