I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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