help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
