been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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