Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
