I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I did not marry a roomba.
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