Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
