I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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