He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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