I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
