What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
