Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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