I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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