he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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