Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
