between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
