I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The adults are the big ones right?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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