its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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