Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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