he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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