Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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