Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
