did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
