You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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