I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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