Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
zippers are such a cool invention
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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