i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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