Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's rum buckets o'clock
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
