did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
