gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
