I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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