an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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