We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You took a bar mat shot.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize
