I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
