Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
