dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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