it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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