this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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