Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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