the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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