There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
