Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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